I am not exactly sure what to write. I am not sitting in a little internet cafe in Mongolia hoping that I can hit the send button before the power goes out, or we loose the internet connection. I don't have a week's worth of experiences teaching the gosple to people in their homes, trying to stop people on the street, or getting lost on the wrong bus. I don't have any interesting foods to report, and no funny language mixup stories to tell, so I have thought for a long time that this blog was done, and that I had nothing else to write.
But, I am still trying to get closer to Christ, and am having amazing experiences in the process. I am learning and experiencing new things, difficult things, and am realizing my blessings more than ever. I am not in mongolia, I am not wearing a black name tag with my name and Christ's, and I don't get up at 6:30 am, ;) but I started this blog so I could share my experiences about learning about Christ and helping others learn about him as well. And those experiences haven't, and will not, stop.
I am at home with my family in northern California (which is a beautiful and sunny state, the rolling hills and pure blue sky look so familiar, and are similar to mongolia). And I am sick. Well, kind of. I hurt a lot. I am grateful to know that whatever is ailing me is not dangerous, in fact I am quite healthy according to medical labs and tests. But this lack of definite results also means that we can't really explain what is going on, and we don't exactly know how to fix it. The current diagnosis is Fibro-myalgia. I didn't know much about this syndrom, and I am embarassed to say that at first I didn't believe it was a real thing. I asked my dad who is a doctor if Fibro-myalgia is even a real diagnosis, and He answered by saying " You are living it, you tell me if it is real or not." It is real. I am still impressed by how completely it can alter your life, and how a body can hurt so much without an obvious cause. Chronic pain is a monster. It stocks you, taunts you, teases you, and sometimes just plain controls you. I struggled for several months with some anger and depression, which I hear is quite common in chonic pain patients, but I know now more than ever that Christ is always there to heal us. It may not be a physical healing, but the soul is more imporant than the body anyways. Once we let Christ heal our hearts, we can experience peace and pain at the same time. Sometimes it is harder than others ;), but it is possible.
You know how little children hate taking medicine? They cry and scream, and can't understand why their parent would force them to drink something that tasts so bad. But we all know medicine helps, and it really is for their own good even though it tastes bad for a few seconds. I keep reminding myself that right now I am the kicking and crying child. My current situation tastes really bad, but a loving parent knows it will help me in the long run.
So this blog is now about my new mission. It is the same mission that each of you are trying to complete. The mission is to be worthy of the reward, happiness, and eternal life that Heavenly Father wants so badly to give to us, and to help those around us recieve it too :)