Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I am not a poet. In fact the only time I remember trying to write poetry was when it was for a 5th grade project, and we needed to make our own poetry books. I thought it was a very difficult assignment ;) But I was looking through a study journal I used in Mongolia today and I found this poem I had written a night or two before I flew to Hong Kong. Our mission president had asked us to study consecration and sanctification and so much was going through my mind as the possibility of my mission coming to an early close was becoming more of a reality. In those late last hours in Mongolia, these words came to my mind. I think the Lord was and is still trying to teach me.
I am still realizing what it really means to be in the Master's hands, and to surrender all to Him. I have taken some pottery and sculpting classes and I love the messy clay covered rooms, if you have ever worked with clay you can probably picture a room or studio covered with lumps of clay similar to the poem below. ;) I am still not sure what this poem should be called.
A master in his studio looks out at his supplies,
There is clay a plenty to fulfill his grand design.
He picks up a piece of clay and attempts to start,
But is interrupted by a cry, “Hey I’m not your piece of art!”
This clay is hardened, cracked and cold, shapeless and ugly too,
Then the master kindly explains “I have great plans for you.”
“If you will let me sculpt you, and will be moldable in my hands,
I shall make you beautiful. If you could only see my plan.”
But the stubborn clay refuses and remains cracked and dry,
“I can not shape or mould you” the master softly cries.
“You have become too hardened and refuse to follow my will.”
He placed it on the table, it remains cold and shapeless still.
He moves on and starts working and things are going fine,
This clay is soft and allows the master to shape his design.
It comes time to remove little pieces, unwanted clay from here and there,
But once again the master stops as a voice fills the air.
“Haven’t I been shaped enough? You’ve improved me with your hands,
Now don’t pick or take anymore, this is where the sculpting ends.”
The master sighs and thinks “If only they knew,”
And then he kindly explains “I have great plans for you.”
“If you will let me sculpt you, and will hold nothing back,
I shall make you beautiful, in nothing will you lack.”
But try as the master might the clay refused to give
The pieces that obstructed the beauty hid within.
Then a voice called across the room, “Master, use me.”
“I am of no worth here on my own, I will follow thee.”
The master gratefully gets to work, the clay following his every will,
The clay couldn’t see the grand design but he trusted the master’s skill.
The clay patiently endures as beauty is revealed,
But sculptures tools are sharp, and pain the clay did feel.
“Must the process be so rough?” the clay meekly asked,
“Thou are poking, cutting, ripping, pressing. Is it necessary for the task?”
“Yes my child,” the artist replies, “ thank you for giving me your trust,
I only remove that which is unwanted, and cause pain only when I must.”
The master smiles and says “I have great plans for you.
With your humble trust in me, there is nothing we can’t do.”
The clay replied “I know thou lovest thy creations, and only want our best.
I do not know thy grand design, but I don’t need to know the rest.”
The master keeps on working and today is shaping still,
There is no end to what he can create when we give all and follow His will.
We too are in the Master’s hands, what will we each do
When the Master kindly says, “I have great plans for you.”
I know how I want to answer that question, but actually doing it and putting up with the pokes and pricks is a bit harder ;) But when we can remember the reason for the pushing, pinching, and purifying we don't become bitter or angry. I've sculpted things before and it is completely necessary to remove pieces and cut things away. God is the artist, and can see all the unwanted pieces. And if He wants to change certain things about me, then I should let Him. ;)
Saturday, May 15, 2010
I am laying on my bed while my lovely sister Tori is cleaning up our room for us. She holds up stuff and asks me where it should be put, and she cleans while I dictate. This is one of the hardest things for me about this new situation. I can’t clean my room by myself. And it is hard to unload the dishwasher, and to help my dad organize the garage. And mowing the lawn is now out of the question. I end up on a chair, or a couch, or a bed, and my family works around me. Now some might think that getting to lounge around and never needing to do chores would be pretty nice ;) And if you think of it that way i guess it is nice. But if you think of it as not being able to do the simplest of daily tasks without help, it is a little more frustrating.
I was talking to a friend last night and I mentioned how I just hope this won’t last forever and he immediately said “well we know it won’t last forever”. That is something my dad and doctors have been telling me since October, but as more time passed I found myself doubting that a bit. Last night my friend reminded me how comforting it is to remember that I do know that. I don’t just hope it, (well I do for the near future) but I do KNOW it. And thank goodness for that :)
Sunday, May 9, 2010
But, I am still trying to get closer to Christ, and am having amazing experiences in the process. I am learning and experiencing new things, difficult things, and am realizing my blessings more than ever. I am not in mongolia, I am not wearing a black name tag with my name and Christ's, and I don't get up at 6:30 am, ;) but I started this blog so I could share my experiences about learning about Christ and helping others learn about him as well. And those experiences haven't, and will not, stop.
I am at home with my family in northern California (which is a beautiful and sunny state, the rolling hills and pure blue sky look so familiar, and are similar to mongolia). And I am sick. Well, kind of. I hurt a lot. I am grateful to know that whatever is ailing me is not dangerous, in fact I am quite healthy according to medical labs and tests. But this lack of definite results also means that we can't really explain what is going on, and we don't exactly know how to fix it. The current diagnosis is Fibro-myalgia. I didn't know much about this syndrom, and I am embarassed to say that at first I didn't believe it was a real thing. I asked my dad who is a doctor if Fibro-myalgia is even a real diagnosis, and He answered by saying " You are living it, you tell me if it is real or not." It is real. I am still impressed by how completely it can alter your life, and how a body can hurt so much without an obvious cause. Chronic pain is a monster. It stocks you, taunts you, teases you, and sometimes just plain controls you. I struggled for several months with some anger and depression, which I hear is quite common in chonic pain patients, but I know now more than ever that Christ is always there to heal us. It may not be a physical healing, but the soul is more imporant than the body anyways. Once we let Christ heal our hearts, we can experience peace and pain at the same time. Sometimes it is harder than others ;), but it is possible.
You know how little children hate taking medicine? They cry and scream, and can't understand why their parent would force them to drink something that tasts so bad. But we all know medicine helps, and it really is for their own good even though it tastes bad for a few seconds. I keep reminding myself that right now I am the kicking and crying child. My current situation tastes really bad, but a loving parent knows it will help me in the long run.
So this blog is now about my new mission. It is the same mission that each of you are trying to complete. The mission is to be worthy of the reward, happiness, and eternal life that Heavenly Father wants so badly to give to us, and to help those around us recieve it too :)