It is funny how we can take advise from ourselves as time goes on. We all hope to continue moving forward and progress during life, but sometimes it gets slippery, the trail gets hard to follow, or we simply run into a wall. And that can make us fall back. I've never been one to keep a journal. I admire all those who do, but I haven't been able to make it a habit. I end up writing when I am having a hard time, so if anyone found my journals they would think me a very depressed girl who liked to pep talk herself. I am usually very happy actually, but I sadly don't write about much else ;) I have heard that it is important to write down spiritual experiences or things you are learning because they can help you down the road. I wasn't much of a believer before. Now I am.
The following was written while I was in mongolia, I think I wrote it on a day that I had to stay home sick. I am in no way bragging at all, I was struggling a lot at the time so this was written as another pep talk. One of my friends in mongolia was an american who had also gotten sick and had needed surgery while on a mission. I was talking to her and she started telling me about faith, how God loves us and is there to help, etc, but then she stopped, hit me on the shoulder and said "you know all this! you just need to remember it." So this is to all of us who know this, and just need a little reminding. (including me.)
December 16th.
There is a quiet confidence that you are never alone. There is a grand plan in action with God Himself as the director. We don't know the whole story as it is only revealed in pieces, but that is okay. And we don't know how it ends because we probably can't even comprehend how wonderful it is anyways. There is definitely peace that comes from knowing the ending is too good to be true, but is true ;) And so each day we try a little harder. We see our faults and mistakes and desire to repent instantly. We love people more unconditionally, and desire to wrap everyone around us in the love that we feel. We despise evil and flee from it. We are aware of our own limitations and weaknesses but are not discouraged by them. They are necessary, and give us the chance to call upon the powers of heaven, and see God's hand in our lives. A desire to help others becomes a part of our very being, and we act on those desires. We do not fear, we do not complain, and we rejoice all along the journey because even hardships are seen as blessings when we know God is shaping and leading our lives, and is always right beside us. We are eager to learn anything that is virtuous, lovely, of good report, etc because we know the end goal is perfection, and we have a lot to learn before we even come close. We wear a smile because we know death is not the end, that we can be forgiven of our sins and mistakes, and that God is our Heavenly Father who loves us, misses us, and has given us our older brother to show us the way home. There are always many reasons to rejoice, no matter how hard the current circumstances, when these beliefs become more than beliefs, and truly become a knowledge that becomes an anchor for our souls. We know God lives and He loves, so we trust and are not afraid. That is who we are, and what we become when we seek to follow Christ.
